Online Class: Assertiveness Training

Unlocking the Power of Assertiveness

Introduction

In our fast-paced world, navigating interpersonal relationships can be challenging. To thrive, understanding the power of assertiveness is crucial. Assertiveness is not about being aggressive, confrontational, or domineering. Rather, it's about expressing oneself clearly, standing up for one's rights, and doing so in a respectful manner.

Imagine learning to drive a manual car. Understanding gears, clutch timing, and the vehicle's rhythm are vital. Similarly, comprehending the essence of assertiveness serves as the foundation to mastering its application.

The Cornerstone of Assertiveness: Confidence

Assertiveness and confidence go hand in hand. An assertive individual radiates confidence, conviction, and self-reliance. Such people are unwavering in their beliefs, desires, and their way of articulating their needs to others.

Yet, life doesn't occur in isolation. We're intrinsically social beings. Effectively communicating our needs is fundamental to our happiness and fulfillment. In this course, we'll dive deep into building confidence, pinpointing desires, and securing cooperation from others.

It's pivotal to recognize, however, that not everyone will resonate with or acknowledge your needs. Some may dismiss or belittle your desires, draining your self-worth. It's crucial to differentiate between genuine constraints and deliberate neglect. This course will equip you to identify such "bottomless pits" and navigate them effectively.

Why is Assertiveness Elusive to Many?

While the answers vary, common barriers include:

• Insecurity: A skewed self-perception of one's value.
• Fear: Concerns about rejection or loss.
• Shyness: An innate inclination to remain reticent.
• Social Conformity: The pressure to adhere to group norms.
• Lack of Direction: Not recognizing what one truly desires.
• Insufficient Knowledge: Not researching or being unprepared to back up one's desires.
• Poor Negotiation Skills: Inability to convey mutual benefits convincingly.

Our lessons will systematically address these roadblocks, offering tools and strategies to surmount them.

Moreover, if your struggles go beyond assertiveness, consider seeking professional guidance. While this course hones your assertiveness, addressing underlying issues can further amplify your potential.

Assertiveness vs. Passiveness vs. Aggression: The Fine Balance

Even as toddlers, we display traces of assertiveness. Take Little Jimmy, our illustrative protagonist. When presented with peas, his least favorite food, his reactions can teach us a lot:

• If he consumes them silently, he's passive.
• If he throws them in anger, he's aggressive.
• If he politely refuses, he's assertive.

Passive individuals comply for the sake of appeasement. Aggressive ones act impulsively, alienating others. Assertive people, on the other hand, convey their preferences with clarity and respect.

Another behavioral pattern we'll delve into is passive aggression – an indirect, covert form of aggression stemming from fear. It's detrimental to healthy relationships and requires attention.

The Essence of Assertiveness

Returning to our analogy, Little Jimmy showcases assertiveness by calmly refusing peas. His actions might be perceived differently by onlookers. However, the truth is, standing firm on personal preferences, without resorting to confrontations, embodies assertiveness.

Children, free from societal conditioning, inherently grasp the essence of assertiveness. They're in tune with their desires. Drawing inspiration from this, embrace clarity and firmness in asserting yourself. Remember, it's not about conflict but about mutual respect and understanding.

Course Overview

This course comprises nine comprehensive lessons. From enhancing communication to resolving conflicts, from workplace dynamics to personal relationships, each lesson delves deep into facets of assertiveness. By the end, you'll be equipped to express, negotiate, and thrive, turning challenges into opportunities.

Begin your transformative journey now, and unlock the power of assertiveness.

Courses Frequently Bought Together:

Conflict Resolution Techniques

Negotiation Skills

Confidence Building

Course Motivation

Why Is Being Assertive So Difficult for So Many People? 

There are many answers to this question, but the most common are: 

1. Insecurity: You lack an accurate, healthy appreciation for your own talents, abilities, and self-worth.
2. Fear: You worry that you will not get what you want, that you will lose something you need or already have, or that you will be rejected.
3. Shyness: You are unable to speak up or communicate because your personality is one of quiet reflector, or you are more of a laid back person.
4. A desire to fit in with peers: Social pecking orders and group pressure do a lot to keep people "in their place." Everyone knows someone who has been ostracized from a group for disagreeing with the status quo or expressing a desire to have personal needs met if those needs conflict with the needs of those higher up in the hierarchy. The more dysfunctional the group, the more oppressed the individual becomes.
5. Lack of self-direction: You do not know what to ask for because you do not really know what you want.
6. Lack of knowledge:  Knowledge is power. If you are ignorant of what you are capable of having and do not take the time to do your research or prepare well, you have nothing to back up your desires with.
7. Inability to negotiate well: You do not know how to communicate the reasons why others should meet your needs and how they would benefit from doing so. 

The later lessons of this course will address all of these roadblocks to assertiveness and self-confidence and help you overcome them with a little hard work and practice. 

How Does Assertiveness Differ from Passiveness and Aggression? 

From the time we are very young, we begin to assert ourselves. Listen to any toddler closely and you will hear the word "no" uttered often. You will also hear the same word, equally as often, coming from the parents of that toddler.  

Here is an example of that type of dueling assertiveness: Little Jimmy is presented with a large helping of strained peas for lunch; he shouts "No!" and lifts the bowl to dump the peas on his head. His mother's eyes open wide in dismay, and she responds with a "No!" of her own. If Jimmy were a little older, he would understand how to better communicate his hatred of peas and negotiate some tasty strained peaches from his mother instead by explaining that peaches are just as healthy as peas and taste better, too.  

Even at this early stage of life, Jimmy is learning a lesson about asserting himself. His mother, depending upon her reaction, is teaching him a particular lesson about what happens when he asserts himself, depending on her response. Let us not analyze the situation too much, or the parent-child relationship. Let us just use it for a point of learning reference. Like any new venture, starting the process of being assertive begins with baby steps. So, let us use the Little Jimmy example to compare assertiveness, passiveness, and aggression. 

We will assume that Jimmy's mother is out of everything but strained peas. She has no choice but to feed him his least favorite meal, so she proceeds to spoon-feed him the peas, cajoling, cooing, and attempting all forms of persuasion to get him to eat them: 

1. If Jimmy eats his peas without a fuss, maybe even gags a little with each bite because he hates them so much but finishes them without protest, he is being passive.
2. If Jimmy grabs the bowl from his mother's hand and throws it at her, making a mess all over her, the floor, and the walls, thereby upsetting her, he is being aggressive.
3. If Jimmy takes a few bites, remembers why he hates the peas so much, and clamps his mouth shut, refusing to take one more bite, he is being assertive. 

It really is that simple.  

Passive people eat the hated peas and do what others want them to do to earn their approval without question, whether they like it or not. 

Aggressive people overreact, making a mess and angering people to the point that no one wants to give them anything, or people give them what they want out of fear instead of cooperation.  

Assertive people know what they want and do not want, make those desires clear, and refuse to budge unless a reasonable explanation or alternative is offered from the other person. 

Later on we will cover avoiding another behavior, passive aggression, in more detail; but it is important to understand what that behavior is as well. It is used by many people who do not know how to get what they want from others in a direct manner. It is not healthy and does not help develop happy, trusting relationships with others. 

Passive aggression is when people use covert, sneaky, and indirect methods of being aggressive. They do this because they cannot express anger or be direct about their real emotions, wants, or needs. Often, passive aggressive behavior becomes a response to dealing with another passive aggressive person or from continually not getting what one wants and needs from another regularly. Fear is at the root of passive aggressive behavior: fear of being rejected or having to deal with another's anger, or fear of the consequences that will result if they assertively ask for what they need. The fear of asking for what they want, expressing their true emotions, or admitting they need the other person is very profound. Passive aggression is used often to retaliate against others for real or perceived slights by using or displaying some of following behaviors:[ii] 

• Forgetfulness: I forgot your birthday, or I forgot to finish my assignment, call the client, take out the garbage, call you, etc.
• Blaming: It is not my fault I am late; it is the traffic every night. It is not my fault I get fired every few months; all my bosses are unreasonable. I have no faults; nothing is my fault.
• Lack of anger: While never or rarely showing anger externally or directly, passive aggressive people retaliate in an underhanded way.
• Obstructionism: This behavior involves never really giving others what they want or need; in fact, going out of the way to deny others what they want, while pretending all the while to have intentions of fulfilling those wants and needs. 

What Does Assertive Behavior Look and Feel Like?

Since Little Jimmy was such a good example of simple assertiveness, let us use him again to get a handle on what assertiveness looks and feels like. Taking the stance of firm refusal to accept what he does not want, peas, it appears externally that Jimmy is being confident and self-assured. To people who may be controlling or inflexible themselves, it may appear that he is being stubborn, willful, or bratty. Wrong! He was clearly asserting himself and not being defiant. Throwing the peas? That is another story.